Saturday, September 20, 2008

Che shirts are teh ghey

If you were half as cool as I am you'd realize there's nothing more important than the statement you make with the clothing you wear. Some of you idiots might argue for the classic wardrobe. I suppose its nice to have polo shirts that are old enough to be popping out white trash babies yet are still as "fashionable" as the day they were bought. But that kind of "sustainabilty" is for patriarchy pimps. The very people I weed out with my plumage.

As an evolved human who can weep on cue, I demand change. I project it. I fucking embody it. That's why when I looked into a Starbucks the other day to laugh at the cretins who feed that corporate Nazi shitholery and saw some asshole with a Che shirt I knew it was over. OVER. It kind of sucks because we had Che first but if I can get over Guided by Voices breaking up I will survive the masses ruining another counterculture icon. I've forgotten him already. That's why I've decided to team up with the vaguely creepy - in a cool way! - American Apparel, to introduce a line of casual wear to replace the now boring as shit Che Guevara.

Meet Mario Teran, third-world man of action!


He was a contemporary of Che's. But he never got his T-Shirt. Like an outre mod Tarantino casting old school Clint Eastwood in a bloody epic called La Revoluccion es Muerte, it is high time for such a new face. There's implied violence. There's retro-styling. There's the audacity of NOPE! And while Che failed to sow the seeds of revolution whilst terrorizing the Bolivian peasantry, Mario did succeed in planting a bullet in Che's skull. So in addition to everything else you can wear it ironically!

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