Monday, October 27, 2008

Moonbats du jour

I feel slight pangs of guilt for my relentless use of the term moonbat since it is not of my own invention. Maybe its petty jealousy for the genius who first uttered it. Its not like I couldn't rack my brain, scrunch my eyebrows like I'm taking a dump and squeeze out an adequate and original substitute. But - as Batman responded in the original series when Shame said "You big sissy, you couldn't drive nails through a snowbank" - why would I want to? You don't mess with perfection merely to gratify your own creative ego. I've worked for enough assholes who do that. And it is why most Hollywood films are shinola. So I'll simply buy Mr. or Ms. Moonbat originator a beer if I ever drunkenly stumble into my unknown, anonymous hero. Here's to you, genius.

Today's moonbat numero uno:
Some dweeb named Jonathan Valania writing a commentary in the Philly Inquirer.

I actually had to read this twice to figure out if it was the most incompetently composed satire in the history of the written word or the most moronic serious commentary laced with intermittent and feeble stabs at humor since, well, the fuck if I know. Maybe ever. I even looked at some past writing of his quickly before diving into this and that was no help. I'll give him credit for good taste in music but I can't say that past work revealed him to be a particularly talented writer or terribly bright, insightful individual. So I suppose my ultimate verdict calls to mind P.J. O'Rourke's observation that the opposite of humor is not seriousness, but earnestness. And that earnestness is merely stupidity sent to college. If that is too abstract of an insult, then you probably find Michael Moore funny, Garrison Keillor amusing and Barack Obama a lightworker.

As a lifelong Caucasian, I am beginning to think the time has finally come to take the right to vote away from white people, at least until we come to our senses. Seriously, I just don't think we can be trusted to exercise it responsibly anymore.

I give you Exhibit A: The last eight years.

In 2000, Bush-Cheney stole the election, got us attacked, and then got us into two no-exit wars. Four years later, white people reelected them. Is not the repetition of the same behavior over and over again with the expectation of a different outcome the very definition of insanity? (It is, I looked it up.)

Exhibit B is any given Sarah Palin rally.

Exhibit C would be Ed Rendell and John Murtha, who in separate moments of on-the-record candor they would come to regret, pointing out that there are plenty of people in Pennsylvania who just cannot bring themselves to pull the lever for a black man - no matter what they tell pollsters.

These people are ruining things for the rest of us white people who are ready to move on. Sure, they have their reasons, chimerical though they may be: He's a Muslim. He's a terrorist. He's a Muslim terrorist. He's going to fire all the white people and give their jobs to blacks.

But those are just the little white lies these people allow themselves to be told, a self-induced cognitive dissonance that lets them avoid saying the unsayable: I cannot pull the lever for a black man.

Hey, some people just aren't ready yet, even the governor said so. Just like some people aren't ready yet for computers or setting the clock on the VCR.

Or, to hear Murtha tell it, some people - specifically some people in Western Pennsylvania - will never be ready. But the fact is, if you did a statewide head count of racists, you'd find just as many in eastern Pennsylvania as you would in the western part of the state.

That's why this ban on white people voting I'm proposing has got to be statewide. And I'm sorry to say, it's going to have to include all white people, even those who would vote for Obama, because you can't just let some white people vote. That would be unfair.

By this point, you either think I am joking or are calling me an elitist. I assure you I am neither. OK, maybe a little of both. But it wasn't always like this. I come from the Coal Belt, from that Alabamian hinterland between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, as per James Carville's famous formulation.
Full commentary at Philadelphia Inquirer

Reading this was as painful as watching a slow motion train wreck. But I didn't post it because I take him seriously enough as a thinker to dissect each and every instance of ludicrous monosyllabic flotsam. If anything I was drawn to his allusion to perhaps being vaguely elitist. Because this is not in the tradition of insightful, intellectual commentary but rather a written example of moron performance art.

That is, the proclamations of lightweight emotional infants who've felt marginalized by life at some point and in finding a community of like-minded souls they forge the illusion that they and their peers are the very definition of normalcy. The trade-off, of course, is that in exchange for the emotional security, snarky notions of superiority and overall insular smugness every thought and gesture is a play and appeal to the home team. Elitism isn't exactly the word for this. It is more akin to living a lie.

Because while he will get hugs and high fives from the moonbat community he is disconnected from any capacity to persuade, connect or speak honestly to the larger world. It was purely written for his own emotional needs while also bearing the potential to turn people away from his desired voting booth outcome. And there's nothing much useful brought forth in the world from an undertaking like that. Street theater of the absurd. Fucking. moonbats. God love ya.

Today's moonbat numero dos:
Chad Michael Morisette, West Hollywood mutant

WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (AP) ― A Halloween decoration showing a mannequin dressed as vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin hanging by a noose from the roof of a West Hollywood home is drawing giggles from some passers-by and gasps of outrage from others.

The mannequin is dressed in brunet wig, glasses and a red business suit. Another mannequin dressed as John McCain emerges from a flaming chimney.

Chad Michael Morisette, who lives in the house, told CBS 2 News that drivers and bus passengers have been stopping to snap pictures of the macabre scene.

Morisette says the effigy would be out of bounds at any other time of year, but it's within the spirit of Halloween.

He says "it should be seen as art, and as within the month of October. It's Halloween, it's time to be scary it's time to be spooky."

Who am I to disagree? Art indeed. I think my comments on the preceding moonbat adequately cover this cat's bag of afflictions. Though his last quote does kind of suggest he's a queen as opposed to a weepy hetero pussy. I'm ordinarily more forgiving with regard to the former because I have many gay friends and regardless of their upbringing, beliefs and values, their politics have been forced upon them by being marginalized based on their sexual orientation. But still, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'd laugh my ass off were someone to set this guy's house on fire.

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